|| AIR - ON ||

|| sad today ||

2011-02-10T14:47:00.003-06:00

the person i love the most is hurting.

...because she is lonely

...because she is single

...because she can't lose weight

...because she doesn't have a kid

and, it is just not right.

when someone strives to be a good person and do the right thing, you think that good would come to them. what is it going to take for her? what happened to the whole "i will give you the desires of your heart" thing?

THIS IS WHY I STRUGGLE WITH BELIEF...

it is not because i don't want to follow rules or go to church, its because someone who does (better than anyone else i know) is completely unhappy. she cries at night, alone in her bed. she cries when she gets off the scale. she cries when she leaves family holidays because she doesn't have her own family.

it is effed up. she isn't asking for a million dollars, or a giant house. she just wants a life.

|| i fall ||

2011-01-19T17:24:00.003-06:00

for waitresses...

...every time. i don't even want to, but they get to me.

i'm not really in love with a waitress, just an observation...

that's all for today.

|| blue scarf ||

2011-01-13T14:55:00.002-06:00

a scarf is a scarf, and blue is blue

but the blue scarf is something special

it is the best of me and makes me better

sometimes i lose the blue scarf

disappears for months at a time

but when i find it, i'm at peace

you see, i love the blue scarf

i love what it stands for and what it believes

i love how it sees me and how i feel about it

i love that it has big plans

i fear the big bad blue scarf

i fear where it hangs each night

i fear for its safety and well being

i fear losing it

i fear love without return

it is a beautiful blue scarf

it has an amazing glow about it

it is something special

it is completely on my mind

it will be the death of me

to me, it is perfect

|| yankees suck ||

2010-10-26T13:21:00.003-05:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/columns/story?columnist=matthews_wallace&id=5717831

this is why the yankees suck.

their "to do" list includes spending ANOTHER $300 million on 2 new players. 2 players!!!

it also includes re-signing 2 players who are past their prime, and overpaid...

that's basically another $35M-$55M next year, on top of the $206M they are already spending...

in case you dont know, texas rangers payroll is $56 million...the whole team....

not only do the yankees plan on blowing another $55M next year, they think its ok...do they not see the crumbling economy? do they not see the hungry? the homeless?

makes me wanna vomit.

#antlers #theclaw

|| holding on ||

2010-10-13T17:49:00.002-05:00

sometimes we forget where we come from. we forget to hold on to the things that mean the most to us. we forget that we are special, and the people around us are special. and we forget to tell them...

i try to tell the people i'm close to that how much i care. sometimes i say it, sometimes i go out of my way to be nice. sometimes i just smile and let it be.

maybe we lose sight of those things we care so much for because we are distracted. distracted by money, job, love (or lack there of...), the economy, the government, the oil spills, the terrorists, tv, church...

starting now, i refuse to lose sight.

value is determined by so many variables. while a new drumset might be worth more monetarily, it doesn't hold the memories of the old one you had as a kid.

so, today, i choose to find value...value is something that is worthwhile, that is meaningful, and that makes my life better. today, i choose my friends and my family. today, i choose to smile when i dont feel like it. today, i choose to hold on to life.

|| out to dry ||

2010-09-24T09:06:00.000-05:00

the past 2 months have been 2 of the hardest.

people who claim to be my friends and supporters, have not. i know people care about me. i know my family does too. (i mean, i do have the best family in the world.) it is just the friendships. i spend time with my friends for many reasons...fun, common interests, connection, laughter.

i claim to be a loyal guy. i don't talk noise about my friends, i don't talk behind their backs. i am patient and understanding. i am protective, if not over-protective.

what is it going to take to find someone to care mutually for me?

to think that even the "friends" who have felt some of the same betrayals i feel now would betray me might be the saddest. where i come from, you treat others how you want to be treated. even thought it is a wonderful thought, it obviously doesn't always pay off the way it should.

|| wrong number ||

2010-07-29T11:45:00.002-05:00

"good morning. i had a great time with you the other night. missing you already, love ya!!!"

--at 7am

waking up to this was overwhelmingly confusing, as i am not coherent for the first 2 hours of being awake. i wish i could tell you more, but my responses only yielded..."sorry, wrong number."

that's too bad. i'm sure somebody must be really awesome. and i'm sure somebody might really like that message. but that somebody is obviously not me. oh well.

|| mayer ||

2010-07-22T19:38:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get the itch to go out for a drink thinking I might miss meeting the woman of my dreams, but then I realize the woman of my dreams isn’t at a bar at 12:36 on a Wednesday morning. No, the woman of my dreams is asleep in bed with her lame boyfriend she’s only now beginning to see is lame. Nice enough guy, but no passion or curiosity. It was cute when he called her babe at first but now it’s just lazy and distant sounding. The woman of my dreams just twitched in her sleep because I mentioned her. The woman of my dreams is not usually twitchy. The woman of my dreams likes Family Guy but doesn’t LOVE Family Guy. The woman of my dreams will engage in conversations that don’t necessarily cater to her in exchange for my moving quickly through the shop talk. The woman of my dreams has to be up at 7am. Maybe the woman of my dreams is at the gym, not the bar. I better get to bed.

--john mayer

|| nyc ||

2010-07-21T11:23:00.003-05:00

man i love that place.

it is beautiful and inspiring. it was really hot this time around, but i still enjoyed everything that ny brings. the buildings, the cabs, the late nights...the lights.

the people, who keep to themselves 99% of the time, only to open up with a smile to a stranger. it blows my mind. so much humanity. so much raw emotion.

i feel real when i'm there. dont ask me why, i dont know. i just know i feel like crap as soon as i'm back. something is off. something sucks. people talk about dallas being one of the "faker" cities, and i get it. i see it. i defend my home when others talk noise, but my defense becomes weaker by the day.

|| work ||

2010-07-14T16:06:00.003-05:00

is about to consume me.

the next few weeks are going to be insane. i like to think that i am ready, but it is not likely. so, if you dont hear from me for a while...you know why.

also, i'm going to nyc this weekend. i cant wait. shopping AND a yankee game. amazing.

see you on the other side.

|| lebron ||

2010-07-08T17:52:00.003-05:00

we dont care anymore. just pick a team.

we know you like the attention, and you think you are a big deal and all...but we are sick of you. its not funny, its not cute, its not cool. getting people's hopes up? why?

you pride yourself on where you are from and your hometown roots...but if you go on national tv and go to another team...that whole state will hate you. forget your hometown, the whole state.

flirting with new york and new jersey...they have both been pining and planning for you for 2 years, and you are going to leave them hanging.

so that leaves miami and chicago. we all know you are scared that you'll never be jordan, and let's be honest, you won't ever be...its ok. and miami, all your boys down there...have fun being second fiddle to wade. we all know you want that...

the ballsy choice is nyc, but i dont think you have the stones. i mean, i want you to...just dont think you can do it.

so, what's it going to be kiddo? break your home state's heart? chicken out on nyc and nj? try to be like mike? or play second fiddle to wade?

good luck.

|| little engine ||

2010-06-17T09:41:00.002-05:00

i think i am reaching

out of my league

but i think its ok

this time

i think i might be

let down again

but that is nothing

well nothing new

i think i am scared

the good kind

but i am still uneasy

to say the least

i think i can get

it, happy

but it may not be

this way

i think i found

some similarities

but the possibilities

are the exciting part

i think i can

|| glee ||

2010-06-10T10:06:00.002-05:00

fine, i admit it...

i have seen every episode of glee.

(process it....breathe...moving on)

i was a lot like those kids when i was in high school. i was in choir AND band. yeah, both. a friend was telling me that the producer/writer/creator...or whatever he was...was using the show as a way to vent his childhood issues. that's fine and dandy in my book...but he definitely reached further than that.

knowing how i felt in high school when i had competitions and performances...he struck every nerve in my body. so, well done.

|| empty ||

2010-06-02T10:39:00.002-05:00

ever feel like you have nothing else to give?

i get this way a lot...where all the being nice, and polite, and social just wears me out. don't get me wrong, i love people. i love getting to know someone, caring for someone. but sometimes, i am just done trying. i am empty. used up.

it is honestly about a week a month that i just stop being me. i crawl into my own space and avoid people. i guess it is good that people don't usually notice.

|| crazy heart ||

2010-05-25T14:23:00.003-05:00

mitch and i watched "crazy heart" on sunday...

and it was awesome. i saw that it was up for awards and i have no idea if it won any...but it should have. a lot of people who aren't musicians think its always fun and games. but it is not. there are fun times...and as a musician, i love nothing like i love music (god aside for the moment). making music and playing for other people is an amazing high. to me, it never gets old playing music that i love for people who want to hear it.

i literally have tons of people in my life that think it is so awesome that i get to play shows and stuff...they don't realize that music has baggage, and being a musician is sometimes a curse. its not just playing music. its not just sitting in with a band. its not just playing notes. its not just making a record. for most musicians, it is a heartbeat. without it, we would be chickens with our heads cut off. not knowing how to function/act/love/eat.

luckily, we find a way to play so we can function. i guess some guys/gals need it more desperately than me...but i feel the need all the time. i don't obsess about it, but my heart burns without it.

back to the point, this movie actually shows a lot of those holds that music has on a person's life. it shows how hard it is to function without it. how lonely and empty that life can be. how addicting and controlling the life of a musician can be.

if you are my friend, i hope you watch it and learn a little about me, and all musicians. for now, this is the story of my life.

r&r

|| lost (and 24) ||

2010-05-19T16:49:00.004-05:00

i wish i had never been sucked in. this is the most ridiculous show ever.

i am a man of logic and reasoning...and this is just so completely far-fetched. i mean, at one point it was rational enough to love, and now its just a matter of getting answers.

does anyone think they are actually going to answer all the questions? i think the show has gotten a little full of itself. even 24 has gone this way a little bit too. i mean, 2 massive shows nearing their actual end (and not season's end) is a big deal. but to think that people are watching it because they like it...i dont think so. everyone just wants to know the end so they can move on with their lives.

i mean, how many people on 24 are going to give their word. really? my friends would never say that...ever. plus, if someone his holding a gun to your head, your word isn't gonna hold up. not to mention, how many times can a suspect break the perimeter? you must really suck at setting up perimeters for them to get broken that often.

enough said...i can't wait for both seasons to be over, especially lost...

|| mexico ||

2010-05-13T18:27:00.003-05:00

where to begin...

it was so good to be away...but it even better to be back. the sun was beautiful, and hot. we didnt see one drop of rain in 8 days, pretty incredible. we met people from all over the world...scotland, england, canada, ohio, virginia, boston....

i have never seen so many women as proud of their breasts, WHO WERE ALSO obese and old...just saying, i thought it was weird.

i'll admit, i thought para sailing would be a cinch, you know, since i have been skydiving...but i didnt like it. sean didnt either. we actually feared for our lives for a while there. it doesnt help that you sign a document where you purchase the ride, then when you get down to the beach, and then again when you get to the boat. why do i need to sign off 3 times?

the island trip was he best part. snorkeling, and seeing some of the slums, and cliffs...pretty rad. all the colors, and the clear blue water...amazing.

but i am back in one piece, with new meaning. i found a new me. there was just so much time to sit and think, that i was able to really look at where i was, and where i wanted to be. some things are clear, and some things are tbd...but it is going to be interesting going forward.

|| fixing the mavs ||

2010-04-27T10:14:00.004-05:00

let's be realistic here. the mavs aren't coming back on the spurs. i wish they would...but they won't.

i think they have some of the peices to win eventually. so my thoughts are below...

PLAYER : THOUGHTS : CONTRACT LENTH AND MONEY STARTING NEXT SEASON

sir dirk is obviously a stud. his clutch antics offensively, his very solid rebouding, and reasonable defense are nothing to walk away from yet. he is getting up in age though...so building a young team around him must be a priority. (1 yr $21 million)

staying on the positive side, matrix is a wonderful defender, adequate rebounder, and doesn't need any shots to be effective offensively as far as production in concerned. but he is also getting old. when this contract is up, his career will be also. (4 yrs $7.3 million +)

roddy b has a huge future, in my opinion. he is fast, can shoot, adequate ballahandling, and play defense. he still has a ton to learn, but we must build with this kid. his talent is way too much to overlook. (4 yrs $1.1 million +)

i like haywood. he is young enough and agile enough to be a piece of this team. he is definitely an asset. he rebounds alright, and blocks a fair amount of shots. i think he could get a little stronger, proven by duncan pushing him around. definitely resign. (o yrs $6 million)

jj is a great backup. he's not scared to go to the rim, and shoots really well when open. he gets his hands on a few passes here and there...but is somewhat a defensive liability...but he normally playing against 2nd string guys. so, i think he is worth keeping. i'm afraid he might want a lot more money at some point, and he's not worth too much more. (1 yr $1.8 million)

butler is a talented player and is definitely tenacious enough on defemse. problem is, he can't create his own shot consistently. his defense doesn't bother me, and his baggage doesn't either. but he's not worth the money...if he wants to restructure for 7=8 mil and a few years, he's worth it. (1 yr $10.6 million)

stevenson is good for defense only. and he is not worth 4 mil. maybe 2 or 3, but not 4 mil for a one way player. and he has crazy eyes, like ron artest crazy eyes...i don't trust him. (1 yr $3.8 million)

damp is what we thought he was. he is tough, can rebound and block shots. he is really limited on offense. therefore, his contract is impossible to defend. but as a guy off the bench, pounding other big men down under the basket? sure, he's great for that, just not for that money...7-8 mil for a few more years...ok i can do that. (1 yr $13 million)

then there is jkidd. the age is definitely showing, finally. i love that he improved his 3 point shot dramatically, and he still makes a spectacular play on d...on occasion. but the man can't keep up with the point guards of today. as stated with marion, when the contract is up, so is his career. hopefully he will teach roddy the way. (2 yrs $8.5 million +)

najera is nasty. and at this price, perfect for this team. (3 yrs $2.8 million -)

carroll is almost useless on this team as a player...his contract could be useful in a trade, but thats about it. (2 yrs $4.3 million -)

thomas is done with the mavs it seems, but we didnt waste too much money on him...decent move last year. (0 yrs $1 million)

and terry, the toughest to call...his 4th quarter scoring is valuable. he is not scared of the big shot, and passes better than people think. he is porous on defense, i know...and teamed with dirk late in the game, make the mavs terribly bad late in the game on the defensive end. (2 yrs $10.6 million +)

THE SUMMER OF 2010

SO THE OBVIOUS...
dirk, kidd, barea, marion, najera, and roddy are back for sure

INTERNAL OPTIONS...free agents
resign haywood

EXTERNAL OPTIONS...free agents
long shots-lebron james, chris bosh, dwayne wade
possibilities-joe johnson, ray allen, tyson chandler, tj ford, jermaine oneal, michael redd, luke ridnour, kurt thomas, francisco elson

IF I WAS IN CHARGE...
-dirk, barea, kidd, roddy, haywood, najera, and marion are for sure back.
-i would try and pair damp with either terry or butler, and get a shot maker who can create...joe johnson would be perfect.
-then i would keep the one i didnt trade (terry or butler)
-at that point it would all be about backup center and point guard: ridnour, or ford
-then i would take a shot at someone like tyson chandler or ray allen, someone who can step right in and start

starters
kidd
johnson
marion
dirk
chandler

bench
haywood
butler
barea
ridnour
najera
carroll

|| drumming ||

2010-04-23T12:06:00.002-05:00

i think i want to start playing drums more...

should i join a band? i mean, the last band situation didnt end well...but it was great while it lasted. and other band situations were iffy at best. something was never quite right. maybe i'm a lifetime "gig"-er.

i guess i am just getting tired of gigs with random people. of course, its nice to be talented enough (and play with talented enough people) to be able to fit in and make good music...but i'm kind of in the mood to build a really strong continuity with one group of guys.

maybe i havent found the right music, or the right situation. just something i am thinking about. thoughts?

|| the countdown ||

2010-04-15T12:37:00.003-05:00

19 days.

i will be in mexico with my friend sean. we'll be enjoying the sun, cold beverages, the "view"...

officially my first adult vacation. and a long one. its strange to think that i have gone 8 years without having one of these, but the timing couldn't be better. a time to get away from work. a time to get away from church. a time to get away from home.

i just need a break from it all. a break from the work grind, and cleaning house, and sunday mornings...a clean freaking break. work is obvious and cleaning house is obvious...and i love church...but to sleep in on a sunday? i don't know that feeling.

all that to say, 19 days.

|| you'd break your neck ||

2010-04-12T11:20:00.002-05:00

...to keep your chin up - copeland

so, it has been a while since i wrote, my bad.

since we last talked, i had a birthday. yeah, number 29. i'm not scared of age. i mean, i look fwd to sitting on my front porch, reading the paper and drinking coffee until noon because i have nothing better to do. wearing linen pants, and playing golf...old man life is gonna be awesome.

the birthday party was a blast. lunch at blue goose, on to dubliner, and eventually milo's for a fun filled day, topped of with final four games that night. i saw so many friends that day, it was hard to keep track of everyone who dropped by...but to those who did, thanks.

i also saw copeland play a few weeks back, which was really rad. i had an older cd of copeland, that i always liked. so i picked up the new one, and went to the show. to my surprise a band called peron L was opening up...(see: new favorite song post)...ended up being a wonderful night with my friend becca from mississippi.

i have also been to 2 ranger games...already! although the outcomes have been less than desireable, it is great to be back out at the ballpark.

we are also in the "less than 30 day countdown" to cancun...and i can't wait...

"i've got my life in a suitcase...ready to run run run away" - copeland

|| dj jazzy air-on ||

2010-02-24T15:21:00.004-06:00

maybe i should just attach a link to my new rap video...ok...

please understand that i do not think i am a rapper, nor do i want to be. i did this for a work presentation, and completely for the amusement of my co-workers.

let's just say they loved it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u634-T9iE3E

(it doesn't look like a link, you might have to copy paste.)

enjoy.

|| the positives ||

2010-02-17T17:30:00.001-06:00

my new favorite song...

Those boys don't come around here no more
Probably all moved far away
If they returned on the trains from the big cities
I wouldn't recognize their face

Because they've changed so much
That they might as well be someone else
At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite
Lord knows I've changed myself

I've still got this smile on
I wear it straight across my face
And if you still cannot see the positives
Then you're not looking my way

If you've changed so much
Or you might want to be someone else
Run the risk of being an impressionist
We should all become ourselves

...band is called Person L

|| things that dont go right ||

2010-02-15T12:59:00.002-06:00

also known as "my life"...

not that i need to be reminded that its god's plan and not mine, but each day that passes is proof that i am not even close to being in control of my life. even the things in my life i should be able to control, i can't.

what is significant(cool?) about this revelation, is that i am more ok with it these days. just when i think my life might be normal, it goes a totally different direction. i wonder if (maybe) i'm that person that everybody knows, who's life is a lil more messed up than their's...

regardless, there is a part of the uncertainty that is teaching me to trust god. (words previously unheard of) i trust that god will open the doors i need to walk through, and close the ones i need to avoid. i trust that in any situation i can learn how to be a better man.

my solitude IS a heartache, but a good one right now.

don't get me wrong, i can't wait for it to be over...but for now i must be ok with it.

|| super bowl sunday ||

2010-02-08T13:52:00.003-06:00

drew brees and peyton manning

2 of the good guys. what can i say that hasn't already been said about these guys: class acts, family guys, involved in the community, winners, gracious in victory and defeat.

i couldn't root for one team in this super bowl. i cheered saints plays, and i cheered colts plays. i was sad when the saints sealed the game because i wasn't ready for it to be over.

'the who' did not impress. they just didn't. call me a snobby musician, but if it weren't for csi shows, how many people would have recognized those songs? they aren't currently relevant to the musical landscape. i realize that many current relevant acts aren't suitable for that audience, but there are some out there that would have been just fine...and relevant.

(just for fun, mute math would tear the stage apart...and i dont even like them that much)

i am happy for new orleans. i hope that all this momentum really does help the city, and it just wasn't some talk. i hope the people of new orleans realize WHY they won the game. it wasn't destiny. it was hard work, trusting teammates, prepared coaches, prepared players, trained players...it wasn't destiny or redemption from the katrina aftermath...it was victory.

i hope they apply that to building their community and city...that they find victory in building houses and schools, and consider that just as much of a victory as the game was.

personally, melissa and i threw a lil party at her place. invited old and new friends over. we had a nice time, even though my queso blanco was a disaster. (reminded me why i avoid the kitchen) but my cookies were amazing, thanks pillbusry.

r&r

|| rules of attraction ||

2010-02-04T15:11:00.002-06:00

this is a strange subject...for the record, this has nothing to do with dating or anything like that, just people...and being attracted to being around them...

i am attracted to people for different reasons.

comfort-say i know someone who knows this person, and the person i know is of some credibility...this makes me more comfortable being myself around them. i like that...win.

humor-i'm not funny, but i like to think i am. so the people who can laugh off my retardedness...win.

smile-we live in a drab world. things suck sometimes...the haiti thing sucks, the wtc thing sucked, jobs suck, girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands suck...people who can handle the things in their life, to a point of being able to "hide" them, and smile...win.

(i'm not saying pretend they dont exist, just learn to balance the reality of a 'personal' bad situation, and still be friendly)

success-life is defined by success and failure. i have a good job without the proper education...success. i get to play drums a lot...success. i have a beautiful family that i adore...success. and those are a few things. people who can work towards, find, and achieve success...win.

sincere-there are so many ways to be sincere, but i noticed one sunday that hit me in a new way. it was the way someone responded to something, i wont ever forget it. complete stranger, that i wanted to know as soon i saw what happened...win.

r&r

|| tattoo : part 3 ||

2010-01-28T12:00:00.003-06:00

so i'm getting a third tattoo...

for historical sake, i have aramaic script on my left wrist that says, "play music" or "to play music" depending on where you look it up.
-the idea comes from my name/passions. depending on which parent you ask, i was either named after elvis (aaron) presley, or moses' lil brother in the bible. the aramaic is symbolic of the bible times, with play music showing my passion and the other side of my name's origin.

on my right forearm, i have a piece based on a work of art by roy lichtenstein. it is called americana and looks similar to the american flag.
-the idea for this one came from a good friend, and former roommate. rl was his favorite artist when we lived together so a few of his pieces hung around the apartment. my former roommate was going through some things that i couldnt pretend to understand. he stayed strong to his faith, and perfectly in line with what he felt was right and wrong. he is a symbol of strength and determination...and godliness...

and now, for the new one. it looks like its going to be a celtic cross. like the circle badge looking one. and most likely on the inside of my left upper arm. its pretty simple to imagine the thought process behind it, but i find that as i have grown up, i find myself deciding how i feel about god, and where/how i want him in my life.

its gonna hurt, see you on the other side...

|| hair ||

2010-01-18T14:33:00.002-06:00

shaved my head this weekend.

if you dont already know, i am the kind of guy who grows his hair out for a year or so, and then just shaves it all off...this has been going on for about 8 years now.

this time, as i transition through some things in my life...i have changed some of my daily routines, some focus, so habits, and some dreams. through this transition, i was forced to let go of some things that were very dear to me, and i struggled with it.

i know it sounds silly, but i feel like my hair was the last thing that reminded me of pre-transition times. well, the only major thing, and the only changeable thing....

so its gone, and surprisingly i feel like some weight has been lifted. i feel like i can close the last chapter and start on a new one. the new one is going to be great, and this haircut is just the beginning.

hopefully you will begin to change your expectations of me, as i have changed expectations for myself. you will see me, and think of me differently.

people talk about living and learning...well, i have learned something new. it hurt. bad. but i, like everyone else, am only stronger in the end. i am a better person having been through the last year and a half of my life. i felt things that i previsouly thought were impossible, and i have experienced things that i'll never forget.

this is the new chapter...

r&r

|| here we go again ||

2010-01-07T13:18:00.003-06:00

it feels like january 2006 all over again...

nobody thinks texas is going to win. all the experts think that alabama is just going to run over texas, just like they thought usc was going to beat up on texas.

and just like 2006, texas' defense is being overlooked, again! you would think these guys would have figured out by now...this is the best and baddest longhorn defense ever. i'll be shocked if ingram breaks 100...i'll be shocked if he gets 75. (the only way he gets close to either, is 1 huge run, and a bunch of small ones.)

i'm not dumb, i dont think texas is going to run up and down the field either, but everybody is just handing the crystal ball over to bama before it even starts.

i can't wait. i hope bama gets the ball first, and someone blows up the returner...just set the tone from the start. they are gonna be bringing it all game...and so are we.

texas 35 - bama 27

|| norah jones ||

2010-01-06T14:24:00.003-06:00

i have thought about this for a while, and i think it is time...

will you marry me?

seriously, i'll play drums for free AND track your upcoming records...
our babies will be hot...
you can sing them to sleep...
i'll even do the dishes...

that's my offer...

|| tcu v bsu ||

2010-01-05T12:34:00.003-06:00

boring....zzzzz.......

i know this will rub at least one reader the wrong way...but man, that game was a bore. i thought it was just me not being in the mood at first, but then i noticed that everyone else was saying it too...

the guy on espn was right when he said that bsu and tcu lost out on their chance to throw the bcs out of whack. bsu still has a chance to mess things up next year(strong non-conf sched), but i do believe the system is rigged enough to keep bsu out, as long as 2 other teams are undefeated.

unrealated point, tcu, keep those uniforms and get a white jersey, so you have home and away. you might replace oregon in the world of best college football uniforms. probably not, but you would be a close second.

good try kids, leave the undefeated chapionship stuff to the pros.

r&r

|| it's complicated ||

2010-01-04T16:13:00.003-06:00

best movie i have seen in a long time...
part of it, is that i think alec baldwin is hilarious...
part of it, is that i think jim from the office is hilarious...

but mostly, i saw what i might be in 20 years. not the affair and 3 kids thing. but the personality and ridiculousness of alec baldwin's character. freaking riot.

but...

consider this one of my resolutions.
i won't be that guy.

some people who were/are important in my life have been changed by affairs. including yours truly. and although this movie does a good job of painting that situation in some positive light...we all know how detrimental it can be to a family, or even 1 individual...

my family, and my wife, will never feel THAT pain from my end. ever.

"home sweet home...."

still a hilarious movie.

r&r

|| merry jesusmas ||

2009-12-28T15:45:00.002-06:00

i'm not going to lie. the best part about my holiday was my 2 nieces...by far.

they are, inexplicably, perfect. they love me constantly. i don't know that i deserve the love they give me, and i don't know if i appreciate it enough...but its the most real thing in my life. and i will squeeze the life out of the love they show me.

i like to think i can connect with people, reach them in a personal place, then call them a friend. i have done this really well over the years. most of my co-workers, and ex-co-workers are still friends. the guys and girls i grew up with in church, are still my friends. so i really do think i have this down pat...

but none of these great friends and relationships move me...not like my babies do. as i continue to fail in the realm of love, and continue to feel alone when i am surrounded by people who care about me...i find myself thinking of them constantly.

so yeah, i do want a kid...do i have to take a wife too? and yes, i am jealous of my friends that have kids. i am jealous of my lil sister and her husband. i am jealous of everyone around me that has a kid to love everyday.

sheesh i am sappy. and i kind of hate myself for it sometimes...

the nieces remind me of one of my favorite movie moments...love actually...

"to me, you are perfect."

r&r

|| the season ||

2009-12-14T14:48:00.002-06:00

i am not a huge fan of christmas.

why do people start having parties all the sudden? you can have people over anytime, but during the holidays you get 1,000 evites.

family drama. everyone has it...and it just comes to life every christmas. my family is pretty tame...and we all get along pretty well. but even we have strange crap come up out of the blue. (like who goes to what house at what time on what day...)

some the music is the worst part.
terrible and annoying songs, with words that don't make sense, and idiotic ideas. deck the halls? why not deck the living room, or deck the basement?

i said all of that to say, we did a christmas special at church on sunday night. it went pretty well. there some musician mistakes, but that is expected with guys who are playing 20 songs and reading music for half of them. even i was reading music, and i haven't done that in 5-6 years.

but overall it was a really nice night of fun and singing. what was weird, is that i watched people worship to songs that i never considered worshiping to. it kind of caught me off guard...but i realized that people can (and will) worship to whatever moves them. the birth of jesus was an amazing moment, and people worshipped to the greatness of that moment. i was overwhelmed by how god could move through a bunch of (what i deem) silly songs.

so the question is:
if the idea of christmas (and jesus' birth) is that powerful, why do we only dwell on it and sing those songs for 31 days?

ps-the other thing i found overwhelming last night was the song go tell it on the mountain. not really the song, but how it was recieved. nwb is a pretty stoic place most of the time, but it turned borderline party. i'm sure it was everybody just swaying around to my awesome beats...right...but it was definitely different for our crowd.

r&r

|| tombstone ||

2009-12-08T09:24:00.002-06:00

i wish i had taken notes...

what an amazing movie. i wasn't feeling well yesterday, so i actually went home and didn't move. just sat on the couch and hung out. watched a movie and played some video games...which bring me to my topic...tombstone.

have you ever noticed all the "big names" in that movie? go check it out on imdb.com...powers boothe, terry o'quinn, val kilmer, kurt russell, sam elliott, jason preistly, charlton heston...one of the delany girls, billy bob thornton, frank stallone, billy zane...man, what a list.

and what a killer movie. totally quotable. and totally memorable. i like to innerject movie lines into conversation, because i think its funny...this one might take the cake.

"i'll be your huckleberry"
"i stand corrected wyatt, you're an oak"

perfect night in. i suggest watching this a hundred times. brilliant...like the 'dark knight' brilliant. i was completely blown away.

|| heart attack ||

2009-12-07T14:44:00.003-06:00

... i had one saturday.

man, i love my longhorns. i just do. they didn't play well, but found a way to win. i can't believe it. i kind of figured that the 2005 championship was the only one i would see in my lifetime. maybe even the only championship game i would see in my lifetime.

let's get the obvious out of the way...last year's team was better, and would have won had they made it to the game against florida...but that is a different conversation all together.

this year, is going to be interesting. the defense is nasty. they blitz, they pick off passes, and they change the game. the offense has good and bad games. its hard to peg them. colt is not having a great year...i mean, his mediocre year is better than most, but he was much better last year.

as far as the alabama game...i am shocked they beat florida that bad. i think they are overrated, but they are undefeated. it annoys the crap out of me, when people argue that texas just squeaked by nebraska and a&m...but bama squeaked by tennessee and auburn. what is the difference?

at the end of the day, they are both undefeated in strong conferences. i think its going to be a great game. i think both defenses are really good. i think it comes down to which qb has a better game. i'm gonna go homer (even though they are both from texas) and say that colt has a batter game. he is also older, and has played in more big games.

Texas 35 - Alabama 24

|| prank call ||

2009-12-03T10:41:00.002-06:00

i got a prank call last night.

yeah, a prank call. i'm almost 30, what the hell. i'm sure it was dumb ex gf (well, one of her friends)...but really? am i in high school?

i thought i dated better girls than that. at least girls who were a little more mature then that. its one thing to be pissed at me, or think i'm a jerk...because those instances are well documented...but prank call?

i feel like allen iverson here..."practice? we're talking about practice? not the games, but practice?"

at least come up with a better story...(as if the blocked number wasn't enough to tip me off)

"hey, my name is ___, i met you at city tavern a few weeks ago, you gave me your number...the tall red head? oh, you don't remember? wow, i'm kind of embarrased..."

first off, i don't have the balls to hit on a complete stranger. never have.
secondly, a tall read head? i don't like taller girls, and don't have much history with redheads.
third, pick a bar i actually go to on a regular basis...
last but not least, bar girls aren't my type...

the fact that someone went to the trouble of trying to make me mad/upset/(insert feeling) is hilrious. the feelings that matter to me are the feelings i feel on my own. there is nothing you can do to make me feel any more mad/upset/(insert feeling) than i can do on my own, to myself.

get a life.

r&r

|| tiger ||

2009-12-02T11:51:00.002-06:00

media needs to back off...

i know the media says they have the right to report whatever they want...and that star athletes know that this is part of their job...but they are dangerously close to crossing the line.

every dude has messed up somehow/somewhere. we all sin and fall short...sure, some of us try harder than others, and some are better at avoiding temptations...but the media attention that this whole thing is getting is downright malicious.

why couldn't it just be, "tiger got in a wreck...there might have been a family dispute...he has minor injuries...he's not going to play in the next tourney." bam, end of story.

if this is such a big deal (at least they are making it one), why wasn't this a story before, if it is a story now? when tiger was winning, pumping his fist, putting out video games...why weren't they digging then?

classic kick a man while he is down. its bs.

i don't even like golf or tiger that much, but this really gets me fired up...let the man live his life. let him work through his problems on his own. he doesn't owe "us" anything. we owe him. we owe him respect and some level of privacy.

(btw, screw the ho's that are selling their "stories" to the tabloids. fu, get a job.)

r&r

|| snow day ||

2009-12-02T11:21:00.002-06:00

i know its not really a big deal...and it certainly didn't hang around very long, but we don't get snow here in dallas very often. it was nice to wake up to it.

which brings me to my second point...it was nice to wake up today. on monday, i had a really rough day. several things contributed to an emotional mess in my head. maybe it is this time of year and the stress that come with it. i mean...family stuff, parties, gifts...its just rough.

at some point, it will all pass, and i'll wish i was able to enjoy the season...but right now, i can't wait for january. i don't wanna hear christmas music, i don't wanna go shopping, and i don't wanna deal with hank-tacular pissing in the apt because its too cold to go outside...

(i'll give him props though, he went in the snow this morning)

r&r

|| poppin the blog cherry ||

2009-12-01T18:00:00.003-06:00

...so go easy on me.

honestly, i got jealous of all the cool people in my life that write cool blogs, and i thought i should too. lord knows what i'll come up with...but it will probably be funny...it will most likely expose my many flaws...and will definitely let you into my crazy world.

i mean, i am what i am...kind of like popeye...without the lanky ass girlfriend, muscles, or punching skills. but i know what my skin is. i know how i feel about my skin. and i'm ok with it.

i guess this might be a way to find out what others think of my skin...or my thoughts.

maybe this will be a daily thing, maybe not. maybe i'll talk about my life, and maybe i'll make fun of others. i will definitely misspell words, use incomplete sentences, ignore the shift button, and most likely piss someone off...but i'm kind of expecting that.

i hope you tune in.

r&r