Feb 10, 2011

|| sad today ||

the person i love the most is hurting.
...because she is lonely
...because she is single
...because she can't lose weight
...because she doesn't have a kid

and, it is just not right.

when someone strives to be a good person and do the right thing, you think that good would come to them. what is it going to take for her? what happened to the whole "i will give you the desires of your heart" thing?

THIS IS WHY I STRUGGLE WITH BELIEF...

it is not because i don't want to follow rules or go to church, its because someone who does (better than anyone else i know) is completely unhappy. she cries at night, alone in her bed. she cries when she gets off the scale. she cries when she leaves family holidays because she doesn't have her own family.

it is effed up. she isn't asking for a million dollars, or a giant house. she just wants a life.

Jan 19, 2011

|| i fall ||

for waitresses...

...every time. i don't even want to, but they get to me.
i'm not really in love with a waitress, just an observation...

that's all for today.

Jan 13, 2011

|| blue scarf ||

a scarf is a scarf, and blue is blue

but the blue scarf is something special
it is the best of me and makes me better

sometimes i lose the blue scarf
disappears for months at a time
but when i find it, i'm at peace

you see, i love the blue scarf
i love what it stands for and what it believes
i love how it sees me and how i feel about it
i love that it has big plans

i fear the big bad blue scarf
i fear where it hangs each night
i fear for its safety and well being
i fear losing it
i fear love without return

it is a beautiful blue scarf
it has an amazing glow about it
it is something special
it is completely on my mind
it will be the death of me
to me, it is perfect



Oct 26, 2010

|| yankees suck ||

http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/mlb/columns/story?columnist=matthews_wallace&id=5717831

this is why the yankees suck.

their "to do" list includes spending ANOTHER $300 million on 2 new players. 2 players!!!
it also includes re-signing 2 players who are past their prime, and overpaid...
that's basically another $35M-$55M next year, on top of the $206M they are already spending...

in case you dont know, texas rangers payroll is $56 million...the whole team....

not only do the yankees plan on blowing another $55M next year, they think its ok...do they not see the crumbling economy? do they not see the hungry? the homeless?

makes me wanna vomit.

#antlers #theclaw

Oct 13, 2010

|| holding on ||

sometimes we forget where we come from. we forget to hold on to the things that mean the most to us. we forget that we are special, and the people around us are special. and we forget to tell them...

i try to tell the people i'm close to that how much i care. sometimes i say it, sometimes i go out of my way to be nice. sometimes i just smile and let it be.

maybe we lose sight of those things we care so much for because we are distracted. distracted by money, job, love (or lack there of...), the economy, the government, the oil spills, the terrorists, tv, church...

starting now, i refuse to lose sight.

value is determined by so many variables. while a new drumset might be worth more monetarily, it doesn't hold the memories of the old one you had as a kid.

so, today, i choose to find value...value is something that is worthwhile, that is meaningful, and that makes my life better. today, i choose my friends and my family. today, i choose to smile when i dont feel like it. today, i choose to hold on to life.

Sep 24, 2010

|| out to dry ||

the past 2 months have been 2 of the hardest.

people who claim to be my friends and supporters, have not. i know people care about me. i know my family does too. (i mean, i do have the best family in the world.) it is just the friendships. i spend time with my friends for many reasons...fun, common interests, connection, laughter.

i claim to be a loyal guy. i don't talk noise about my friends, i don't talk behind their backs. i am patient and understanding. i am protective, if not over-protective.

what is it going to take to find someone to care mutually for me?

to think that even the "friends" who have felt some of the same betrayals i feel now would betray me might be the saddest. where i come from, you treat others how you want to be treated. even thought it is a wonderful thought, it obviously doesn't always pay off the way it should.

Jul 29, 2010

|| wrong number ||

"good morning. i had a great time with you the other night. missing you already, love ya!!!"
--at 7am

waking up to this was overwhelmingly confusing, as i am not coherent for the first 2 hours of being awake. i wish i could tell you more, but my responses only yielded..."sorry, wrong number."

that's too bad. i'm sure somebody must be really awesome. and i'm sure somebody might really like that message. but that somebody is obviously not me. oh well.